Memoirs of Pi

I don’t know what this post will be about, nor do I know really where to start.

Today is Valentines Day. Also Chinese New Years, 恭禧發財 (Gong hei fat choi) to all my chinese friends.

Today wasn’t a bad day I suppose, considering there wasn’t anything that went ‘wrong’, but it just seems to have an overall negative feel for me. I guess I am just annoyed with some people.

I didn’t do much today, I ended up just going out for lunch with Candace, just because we were both bored and had nothing to do. It was fun I suppose.

I really don’t know what to write.

I guess I am just annoyed with a specific someone just for the reason that I don’t know the full situation. This related to my prior post concerning relationship, in a way. I told her that I was interested in her and that I felt attraction, and she said (in a general way) that she feels similar to me. However, given the situation that she was previously in (relationship-wise) I can understand if she doesn’t want to ‘commit’ to anything. Which is fine. The source of my annoyance is that, I don’t know what she wants to do. Given the situation I have observed currently, I have come to the conclusion that she does not want to start anything at all. Which again, is completely fine. It isn’t hard to just be friends, this isn’t some game where it’s all or none. I can get past whatever it is that I am currently feeling, and I can move on. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again. Even though I go day in and day out STILL holding feelings towards my ex, I am able to separate myself from them. Meaning, I can live out my life with someone else, but I’ll still feel something towards her. It’s only natural.

People place too much emphasis on themselves, this society is a me society. I am guilty of this also, but few people consider the other people in their lives. Hell, in their current situation.

I’ve been able to come forward with what I’ve felt, and you’ve come forward with a grey message. Regardless if any reasons you believe in, that restrict you from saying something clear, forget about them. Whether the response is a positive or negative one, it does not matter. You like me? Okay cool, we can hang out. You don’t like me? Okay cool, we can hang out. We don’t need to have that level of closeness to hang out, it’s not required.

Situations like these are what drive me up the wall. It could be said that I could just move on. But what would that prove. What good could truly come from that. It would simply leave this whole thing left open, and the friendship would begin to deteriorate. But what the hell, it’s not like it won’t anyways. From the moment of birth, we are dying. We all avoid risks in life, to make it safely to death. This is how it is, and this is how it will end. Will I end differently with you in my life? Who knows. Will the end result change? No.

If I could, I would make myself void of any feelings that could be like this, void myself of love. It would make things a hell of a lot easier. Now, don’t get caught up in this, thinking the feelings I have for you are considered ‘love’. Rather, it’s only attraction at this point. And going by what I’ve seen so far, that’s the peak of it all.

I didn’t mean for this to turn into a ‘rant’, but I suppose that’s how it turned out.

Oh, I guess the anniversary for my being single is coming up.